Singledom and Christendom

I have been inspired again. A friend of mine (Laura) sent me an email today including a link to a blog she follows:
http://stufffchristianslike.blogspot.com/2009/06/550-surviving-church-as-single.html

Now I knew my experiences with this issue weren't unique, but I had no idea how rampant and cross-theological it was until I read this blog today. I was sure it was far worse in the LDS Church because that has been my life so far. My friends and I (most of us single) are actually happy, productive members of society. Don't get me wrong; we have all of us at one time or another wanted to share our lives with someone, but we do not cry ourselves to sleep each night praying for a mate. I realize for most of you, this is not groundbreaking news; however, there are those that will never believe this. They cannot imagine being unmarried and content with life. On that note, I would like to expound on the church issue we as single people face (specifically within the LDS Church).

When I turned 18, I became a Young Single Adult. Three years ago, I turned 30 (24 days after my baby brother turned 18). This meant I was now expected to socialize with children 12 years younger than me. Exactly one year later, I was expected to begin socializing with people my parents' age. Now I do not want to sound bitter about my singledom, because I am not. I am, however, a little disenfranchised with church socialization. How exactly am I, as a 33-year-old, single, professional, childless woman supposed to go from hanging out with Conner (my then 18-year-old brother) to socializing with a 45-year-old divorced, single mother of 4? Anyone else see the dilemma here? My mom does. My friends do. Ever wonder why there aren't more of us at church? Why are there so many less active church members between 25 and 35? I'll tell you.

1. It was really hard having one or two people (that's a high number) at church with whom I had anything in common. Most of my friends got married in 1997. Yes, I know the year because there were about 30 weddings in our stake, and every one of them was someone that had, at some point that year played, "tennis-volleyball" at my apartment complex.
2. Most of the people in my church "social" group are weird. Judgemental? Absolutely! Did you date and marry your spouse because they were weird and you liked it? If you did, then you're probably a little weird, too, so you didn't even notice. Well my friends and I are not weird. We have firm testimonies in our prospective faiths, and we know what Prada means and who Matthew McConaughey actually is. This does not mean we're snobs, but because we are single, we can (at times) buy expensive things and go to the movies without getting a sitter.
3. Most lessons/sermons are aimed at families: how to be a good parent or spouse and raise a family in Christ. We have families. They usually consist of five or six people. None of us are married to one another, although some of us may take on the "child" role from time to time. We are all single adults that don't always agree on everything, but we always agree on this one thing, it is rare to go through a church service and not feel a little left out. My sisters right now are Laura Harper, Katie Wilson, and Laura Sheppard. We only have one brother right now, Scott Ross, but he's moving (sad). We have some cousins that join us from time to time, too. We talk and laugh and fight and love each other. And it sure would be nice to go to Sunday School one day and talk about what that's like.
4. Asking other single people at church to go to a movie or plan a beach trip automatically means there's someone in the group you're in "love" with and trying to marry. I don't think I need to expound on this very much (see point #2).

I believe that if people have a complaint about something, they should have a solution as well. I have a solution from an LDS perspective. The age groups really need to be modified. I really feel it should be like Primary and Mutual. Following that logic, Primary is elementary-middle school; Mutual is middle-high school, so the Single Adult program(s) should follow the same sort of common denominator:
18-25 (this gives returning missionaries a chance to finish school with people still in their age range)
26-32 (I realize this seems short, but it's exactly the same as 12-18 and is itself a transition period from student to adult just like Mutual is from preteen to graduate)
32-40 (I still can't seem to be interested or attracted to anyone over the age of 40; superficial, possibly, but it's a reality among all of my friends)
41-52 (they get a little larger from here)
53 and up

I realize this seems like an awful lot of extra work for the Church to create new programs, but I can tell you from experience, that we would lose a lot less people if they have a foothold in a social group. You may say, "Well, our stake doesn't have enough active single adults to justify creating these types of programs." Perhaps you should think about why they aren't active rather than the fact they aren't active. Think about how much more tithing would be paid; fast offerings; callings filled [even though one thing we don't like to admit (because we're single and a little defensive about this) that we do have more free time. We protect it. We have to or we end up having those that would take advantage.] The point is wouldn't we all be happier knowing that our lost brothers and sisters weren't lost anymore. Isn't it worth the time and investment?

And please stop asking your single brothers and sisters when they're going to settle down and get married or why it hasn't happened when he or she would be such a great catch. I am a great catch; I know that. But maybe none of the bait out there is appetizing, and I'm really enjoying the swim.

Facebook

So I am one of the millions of (cannot believe it) grown adults that joined My Space years ago. Regardless of my disdain for such things, it seemed like a good way to keep in touch with my friends. A few months ago, a friend of mine convinced me to join Facebook. My skepticism that it was better than My Space was overwhelming. I had realized shortly after joining My Space that it was not nearly as innocent a venture as I anticipated. After the third proposition from some nut job interested in things I would never actually do to him, I concluded that My Space was not something in which I really wanted to be involved. So you can understand that another "networking" site was not high on my priority list. It took a few weeks, but Laura finally had me convinced that I should try Facebook. I have rarely enjoyed being online for an extended period of time unless there was a movie or downloading music involved. I have become a Facebook addict! I love it! I have rekindled a ton of friendships that I had no hope for recovering. I have found old friends, new friends, co-workers, and family members. The beauty of this site is that its format does not lend itself to perversion or sickness. There are so many family sites and one of my friend's friend posted a note that her husband will acyually "let her be on Facebook:)." I love it! I know I said that, but I do! It's not as easy to search for people as other sites, but they kind of search for you, too. My friends "notes" inspired me to do a blog. I even downloaded it on my Crackberry so I can check it all day long. Sad? Maybe. Satisfying? For sure! How else would I have found my college roommate, friends that have moved away, and friends from whom I moved away? FOR FREE!

Inspiration

After much consideration, I have been inspired to start blogging. A few of my friends have been blogging for some time, and I really think it's a great digital journal of sorts. So I think I'll start with a little personal history. I was born in South Carolina (I still think it's the greatest state in the country), but raised a little bit all over the South (Virginia, Georgia, South Carolina). I am the eldest of 5 children (two girls and three boys), so you'll probably notice a bit of an assertive/bossy tone in my posts. I tend to forget I'm not every body's big sister. I am born and bred LDS (an important fact as I feel it has most everything to do with my opinions and views), and yes, I did spend an abysmal couple of years in Utah (not for me, I am a Southern girl). I most recently moved to Birmingham, Alabama via Dana Point, California. And for those of you who believe the South is the South, I assure that is simply not true.

I am always surprised at the dialect differences in each state's accents and by the colloquial differences. For example, here in Alabama people actually say "on yesterday" and "on tomorrow;" I laugh almost every time (luckily I have learned to laugh on the inside after many odd looks from the speakers). I am not talking about uneducated people either...some of the women I have heard use this have been quite eloquent and polished...they just use a preposition incorrectly every now and then because it's an acceptable way of speech.

Now, don't get me wrong, I really love it here. I was surprised by that. But it's only 4 hours from G-Vegas (that's Greenville, SC for those unaware), and there are some really great things to do here. Those who know me well know that karaoke and I are life-long friends, and the most exciting thing about the Ham is Starz. It is a 7-day a week karaoke bar!! SEVEN DAYS A WEEK!! I can karaoke any time I want to, and it's less than half a mile from my house!! I don't have to wait till karaoke night at my local bar any longer; this just might entice me to stay here forever!! I have also made some amazing friends here. And they have introduced me to such amazing city-wide things like the Sidewalk Film Festival, Artwalk, some really great music venues (Workplay and Bottle Tree), and local independent restaurants that you could never compare to anything else.

So now my nomadic spirit is in a state of flux. I have moved at least every 2-3 years since I graduated from high school. I am now extremely close to being in my mid-30's (yes, it is unbelievable) and wondering if I'll move again. I am coming up on my 2-year mark in the Ham, and my wanderlust has begun to stir. I am conflicted, though. I really do love it here. I feel at home here, and I am close enough to my real home to visit for the weekend any time I want to. So I am torn as to the future. Move or stay? I don't really have further career aspirations except to not have to work ever again, and that isn't happening any time soon (or ever, I'm sure). So we shall see if I can actually make it somewhere longer than my current 3-year record. I may actually be in a position to purchase real estate...that's crazy!!